oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize