Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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