i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
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