Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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