btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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