I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
