So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sext me about skeletons
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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