I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
