you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize