well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
