Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
