there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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