you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
