3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
