Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Porn is love you can see.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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