I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
