1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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