We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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