Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
