please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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