you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize