How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You smell like stripper and shame
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
