i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
