My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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