I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
