Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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