Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
do nipples grow back?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
