Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
