i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
