if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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