he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
