Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
