On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize