he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize