what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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