a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
