Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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