A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
