Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
