How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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