Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
