the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
