We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
