apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
