apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
