I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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