Can i not drive my cunt home
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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