It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
