Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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