She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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