Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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