if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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