my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
