Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
