it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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