can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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