Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
