You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
