Old men and throwing up are my life now.
please come you make the beer taste better
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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