and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
