Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
