We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
