Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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