Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize