I feel great
I just peed on a car
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
