You can't special order awesome
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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