I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize