dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
