I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
