it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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