i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
