u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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