i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
