we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
