Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
