You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
we're so committed to being not committed
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
