he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
