Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
