I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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