So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
