yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
