So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
