All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
